First draft was written while i'm riding motorbike.
For self notes.

I was following christian ministry on campus this morning.

The speaker shared a good topic that really hit me today.
Even i was not too attracted with that at first, but in the end, i got many messages.

Don't think about ourself too much. It's not good.

Don't be afraid even you think you are useless, cause God always have a great plan ahead.
Don't ever think you are small because you are a shy girl/boy. God will make you can do anything!


What really touched me is when we worshipping God by singing and praying together.
There is an Altar Call 'session' after worshipping, and the speaker already prayed for all of us. Then he asked some of us who want to participate and have passion to serve more in this campus ministry to stand and come in front of him.

I just praying, and keep praying.
I want to, but i feel like myself is not compatible to things like that. I rarely prayed to God, i rarely read Bible, i feel like a man with many sin, it's not suit me.
He count untill five, in order to give us chance to think, to feel, to decide.
Four to five it's actually not one second. It's about twenty or more, maybe.
I just confused, whether to stand or not. Cause i'm shy.

Then i prayed, and begged to God.
If this is what You want from me, let the man (the speaker) command us to stand again. Only one more time, if the man asked it, i'll stand.

And, Five!
I opened my eyes and saw some peoples sat at front line, then the speaker and the ministry's leader praying for them.

Oh, it's too late. It's not what God wants then.
I just praying again, and singing with all of my heart. 'Cause i really really missing God's presence.
Christian is just a written words on my identity card, but i never know well what is Christianity. What a shameful thing.

After he (the speaker) prayed for the last person, then he stood and said
"I know, there is someone who wants to stand and sit in this line too. But he/she is shy. I don't know who is it, but i know you are shy to come. So i ask you to come, don't shy, don't be afraid, we'll pray for you in here."

I was shocked to heard that.
God, is it really You?

He didn't asked once, but twice!
So i didn't care people around me, i just stood and sat there, at the first line.
Then the speaker put his hand on my head, and prayed for me.

"One person that burn in fire is more than enough. Don't be afraid of anything, don't be afraid with all your problems, God loves you, God loves you."

I felt like want to cry, want to smile, feel happy, relieved, but also felt like have a duty.


What a great experience! God really hear me!


After the service done, i saw the speaker was stand next to the exit door.
I don't know why, i really want to talk with him.
Not because other means, but want to asked about several spiritual things. Because once again idk why, i felt like he can answer my question.
Unfortunately, the guitarist come and have a long conversation with him.

I want to stay still and wait, but then my friend asked me to acompany her to the toilet. Girls habit.
Okay, after toilet then.

In the end, i can't talk to him.

But i just thinking about several quotes that i got from this day.


Work on God's vision, so you know the purpose of your life.



God, what your vision on me?
What do you want from me?
I surrender on You.